“Somebody took my phone number and called Afghanistan. I've never talked to anyone in Afghanistan, I don't know nobody in Afghanistan, and even if did know anyone, I wouldn't talk to that Afghan ass for three hours. I won't talk to my daddy for three hours.”
Chris Rock - Detective Lee Butters

“What, you don't think I'd go into combat with loose change in my pocket, do you?”
Keenan Wynn - Col. 'Bat' Guano

“Although we are constantly exploring the subject, currently there is no direct evidence that links cellphone usage to brain cancer.”
Aaron Eckhart - Nick Naylor

“- Agent Simmons: Nokias are real nasty. You've gotta respect the Japanese. They know the way of the samurai.
- Maggie Madsen: Nokia's from Finland.”

John Turturro - Agent Simmons
Rachael Taylor - Maggie Madsen

“Have you ever dialed 9-1-1? It's like trying to get a mortgage.”
Woody Allen - David Dobel