“- Guy Patterson: If Jimmy's a genius, I'm U Thant.
- T.B. Player: Who's U Thant?
- Guy Patterson: He's the Secre... forget it.”
Tom Everett Scott - Guy Patterson
Ethan Embry - T. B. Player

“To have a brain, it's not a sin. To have a brain and not use it, that is a sin.”
Armin Mueller-Stahl - Doc

“- President Camacho: Now I understand everyone's shit's emotional right now. But I've got a 3 point plan that's going to fix everything.
- Congressman: Break it down, Camacho!
- President Camacho: Number 1: We've got this guy Not Sure. Number 2: He's got a higher IQ than any man alive. And number 3: He's going to fix everything.”
Terry Crews - President Camacho
Christopher M. Campos - Congressman

“- Rita: You think Einstein walked around thinkin' everyone was a bunch of dumb shits?
- Joe Bowers: Yeah. Hadn't thought of that.
- Rita: Now you know why he built that bomb.”
Maya Rudolph - Rita
Luke Wilson - Joe Bauers

“I feel totally abandon in a place that values physical prowess over mental acuity. I can't wait until all of that changes in the real world.”
Adam Busch - Geeky Guy