“- Phil: Kid, listen to me. She's...
- Hercules: A dream come true?
- Phil: Not exactly.
- Hercules: More beautiful than Aphrodite?
- Phil: Aside from that.
- Hercules: The most wonderful...
- Phil: She's a fraud! She's been playing you for a sap!”

Danny DeVito - Phil
Tate Donovan - Hercules

“- James Moon: So you're married too?
- Birkin: Sort of. She went off with another chap. Not for the first time. Can't say I blame her really. Her name is Vinny.
- James Moon: Yes, I thought it might be something like that. As for me, never really met the right woman. Luckily for her.”
Sir Kenneth Branagh - James Moon
Colin Firth - Birkin

“You think I could be your best man when you two get married?”
Patrick Fugit - Danny

“- Sue: I also noticed that hippy freak you've adopted! I want to know is one evening with her worth five years of marriage?
- Dave: What are you talking about? Five years of what? What do you mean who?
- Sue: Dave, I want to sit down.
- Dave: Who's Dave? I'm Babbakazoo!”
Andrea Howard - Sue
Mark Lonow - Dave

“- John Herod: I was married to a beautiful woman. She was unfaithful.
- Ellen: Where is she now?
- John Herod: I told you, she was unfaithful.”
Gene Hackman - Herod
Sharon Stone - Ellen