“- Mauricio: Who's Vicki?
- Hal: Vicki. Vicki, with the short brown hair.
- Mauricio: Vicki? I thought that was a guy! I was calling her Vic!”
Jason Alexander - Mauricio
Jack Black - Hal

“There's no relation between how sexy a girl looks and her sex life. The ugly ones seem to get all the action.”
Peter Sarsgaard - Clyde Martin

“- Sally: Where did you come from?
- The Cat: Hm… How do I put this... When a mommy cat and a daddy cat love each other very much, they decide that...
- Conrad: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Where did you come from?
- The Cat: My place, what do you think?”
Dakota Fanning - Sally
Mike Myers - The Cat
Spencer Breslin - Conrad

- Gary: McKinley needs to experience "The Ultimate"!
- J.J.: You mean, penis-in-vagina?
- Gary: No, dickhead - sex.
A.D. Miles - Gary
Zak Orth - J.J.

“I am going to Bangkok to assume a missionary position.”

Joan Messiah - Nun