“- Detective Marcus Burnett: [over the radio] Mike! There's a papa rat humping the shit out of this mama rat. No, he's straight pile-driving her!
- Detective Mike Lowrey: Now, how is that information gonna help me do my job?
- Detective Marcus Burnett: They fuck just like us!”
Martin Lawrence - Detective Marcus Burnett
Will Smith - Detective Mike Lowrey

- Beatrice Stanhope: Arthur, I wish you would do something about all these monkeys. I feel like Jane Goodall.
- An Ape Named "Ape": Madam, I knew Jane Goodall and you are no Jane Goodall.

Holland Taylor - Beatrice Stanhope
John Marwood Cleese - An Ape Named "Ape"

“You're an animal, Duane. But I'm an animal too, and I know how to handle animals like you.”
Tina Louise Hilbert - Opal

“- Madame Liang: What did he look like?
- Wang Chi-Yang: Who?
- Madame Liang: The robber.
- Wang Chi-Yang: Dont ask me what he looked like! All white men look alike!”
Juanita Hall - Madame Liang
Benson Fong - Wang Chi-Yang

“- Frenchie: Doody, how do I look?
- Doody: Like a beautiful blonde pineapple!”
Didi Conn - Frenchie
Barry Pearl - Doody