“- Jesse Walsh: Schneider shouldn't have called you out on that last play.
- Ron Grady: Yeah, well, Schneider's got a stick up his ass today.
- Jesse Walsh: Schneider's always got a stick up his ass.”
Mark Patton - Jesse Walsh
Robert Rusler - Ron Grady

“- Averman: Hum, Batter-batter-batter! Hum, Batter-batter-batter, Hum, Batter-batter-batter, Hey, Batter-batter-batter, Hey, Batter-batter-batter, Swing, Batter-batter-batter, Hum, batter-batter-batter...
- Bombay: Averman! It's hockey! There's no batter! Idiot!”
Matt Doherty - Les Averman
Emilio Estevez - Gordon Bombay

“The reason they call it 'golf' is that all the other 4 letter words were used up.”
Leslie William Nielsen

“You know, that was the hardest part about having to portray you, grinning like an idiot every fifteen minutes.”
Dougray Scott - Sean Ambrose

“- Ramona Calvert: You smell just delicious, Justin, you wearin' cologne?
- Justin Matisse: No, just sweat with a little paint thinner mixed in.”
Gena Rowlands - Ramona Calvert
Harry Connick Jr. - Justin Matisse