“- Vincent Benedict: You could be a boxer or something. I could be your manager.
- Julius Benedict: No, I could never fight for money.
- Vincent Benedict: Well that's fine. You fight, I'll keep the money.”
Danny DeVito - Vincent Benedict
Arnold Schwarzenegger - Julius Benedict

“- Dan Trunkman: Well you're the little guy taking on the big guy.
- Chuck Portnoy: You're going to go up against me and Dynamic Systems?
- Dan Trunkman: We're going to be hard to beat.”
Vince Vaughn - Dan Trunkman
Sienna Miller - Chuck Portnoy

“- Walter Burns: You persuade Hildy to do the story and you can write out a nice fat insurance policy for me.
- Bruce Baldwin: I refuse to use my wife for business purposes.”
Cary Grant - Walter Burns
Ralph Bellamy - Bruce Baldwin

“Danel is our man. Lincoln freed the slaves. Mr. Danel is back in the trade and doing very well at it.”
Addison Richards - Jackson

“- Egbert Sousé: Hello, Doc. How are ya? How's business?
- Dr. Stall: Fair, fair. I don't suppose we'll ever get another whooping cough epidemic again.”
W.C. Fields - Egbert Sousé
Harlan Briggs - Dr. Stall