“Would you do it with someone whose last name is the worst day of the week?”

Ione Skye - Frankie

“- Harry Dunne: How many days are in April?
- Lloyd Christmas: 30 days have September, all the rest I can't remember!
- Harry Dunne: Must be 31 because nothing rhymes with August...
- Lloyd Christmas: Nah I think it's 32 Harry. April's a leap month.”
Jeff Daniels - Harry Dunne
Jim Carrey - Lloyd Christmas

- Orville "Turkey" Jackson: We're going to get married on... when is the big day, Dream Thing?
- Princess Shalmar: When the moon, in its last quarter, silvers the blossoms of the almond tree. That's Tuesday night, about nine.
Bob Hope - Orville "Turkey" Jackson
Dorothy Lamour - Princess Shalmar

“- Johnson: What sort of a day will it be?
- Harry Morgan: I don't know. Just about like yesterday. Only better.”
Walter Sande - Johnson
Humphrey Bogart - Harry Morgan

“- Claudia: So what's going on, Kelly? Anything?
- Kelly: Same shit, different day.”
Lauren Holly - Claudia
Connie Britton - Kelly