“- Lance: Come on, man, you got nothing better to do than hassle long-hairs?
- Officer Bob Falfa: That's my life, friend. I love my work.”
John Lansing - Lance
Harrison Ford - Officer Bob Falfa

“- Stuart Sutcliffe: I like the blonde but I prefer the brunette.
- John Lennon: Blondes have more fun.
- Stuart Sutcliffe: Says who?
- John Lennon: Swedes.”
Stephen Dorff - Stuart Sutcliffe
Ian Hart - John Lennon

“My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.”
Adam Sandler - Robert 'Bobby' Boucher Jr.

“- Phil Davis: How can you stop an angry dog from biting you on Monday?
- Betty Haynes: That joke is old. The answer is to kill the dog on Sunday!
- Phil Davis: That's not the way to stop a dog from biting you on Monday!
- Betty Haynes: How would you bring the thing about?
- Phil Davis: Have the doggy's teeth pulled out!”
Danny Kaye - Phil Davis
Rosemary Clooney - Betty Haynes

“- John W. Martin: Hey, Frank... you keep cleaning those teeth, the Germans are going to see you from a mile away.
- Frank J. Perconte: That's right Pee Wee, you keep laughin'!”
Dexter Fletcher - John W. Martin
James Madio - Frank J. Perconte