“Respect the cock. You are embedding this thought. I am the one who's in charge. I am the one who says yes! No! Now! Here! Because it's universal, man. It is evolutional. It is anthropological. It is biological. It is animal. We... are... men!”
Tom Cruise - Frank T.J. Mackey

“I think it's kinda sexy that John Malkovich has a portal, y'know, sort of like, it's like, like he has a vagina. It's sort of vaginal, y'know, like he has a, he has a penis and a vagina. I mean, it's sort of like... Malkovich's... feminine side. I like that.”
Cameron Diaz - Lotte Schwartz

“- Melissa Morrison: Why do men lie?
- Rick Dunne: Uh, that's a hard one. Give me something frivolous to get into it.
- Melissa Morrison: OK. Why do men touch their dick so much?
- Rick Dunne: Because it's there.”
Saffron Burrows - Melissa Morrison
Aden Young - Rick Dunne

“- Ebby Calvin 'Nuke' LaLoosh: The other day Crash called a woman's pu... pussy... um, well, you know how the hair is kind of in a V-shape?
- Annie Savoy: Yes, I do.
- Ebby Calvin 'Nuke' LaLoosh: Well, he called it the Bermuda Triangle. He said that a man could get lost in there and never be heard from again.”
Tim Robbins - Ebby Calvin 'Nuke' LaLoosh
Susan Sarandon - Annie Savoy

- Brian: God bless you.
- Larry Gigli: Thank you.
- Brian: No, not you, stupid. When my penis sneezes, I say "God bless you, penis".
Justin Bartha - Brian
Ben Affleck - Larry Gigli