- Brian: God bless you.
- Larry Gigli: Thank you.
- Brian: No, not you, stupid. When my penis sneezes, I say "God bless you, penis".
Justin Bartha - Brian
Ben Affleck - Larry Gigli

“- Ebby Calvin 'Nuke' LaLoosh: The other day Crash called a woman's pu... pussy... um, well, you know how the hair is kind of in a V-shape?
- Annie Savoy: Yes, I do.
- Ebby Calvin 'Nuke' LaLoosh: Well, he called it the Bermuda Triangle. He said that a man could get lost in there and never be heard from again.”
Tim Robbins - Ebby Calvin 'Nuke' LaLoosh
Susan Sarandon - Annie Savoy

“- George Henderson: We don't even know what it is. We don't know if it's male or female.
- Sarah Henderson: Definitely male.
- Nancy Henderson: How can you tell? Don't answer that, honey.”

John Lithgow - George Henderson
Margaret Langrick - Sarah Henderson
Melinda Dillon - Nancy Henderson

You know that whole deal about "penis envy"? Not true. No. Half of women don't even like it. You know who has penis envy? We do. That's why we cheat and we lie, because we're all obsessed with our own equipment!
Mel Gibson - Nick Marshall

“Never trust a man. Even when he looks flat down there.”
Octavia Spencer - Zelda Fuller