- Records Nurse: Can I get you something?
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: Yeah, do you have the Beatles' "White Album"? Never mind, just get me a glass of hot fat. And bring me the head of Alfredo Garcia while you're out there.

Loraine Shields - Records Nurse
Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher

“Are those sharks with laser beams attached to their heads?
[Scott Evil nods]”
Mike Myers - Dr. Evil

“- Drew Halbert: What are you doing?
- Jesse: Making a call. Willy likes the sound of my harmonica playing. When he hears it, he knows it's me.
- Drew Halbert: So you think you're gonna play that sound on the hydrophone.
- Jesse: Uh huh.
- Drew Halbert: And he's just gonna come running.”
Annie Corley - Drew Halbert
Jason James Richter - Jesse

“Listen to them: the children of the night. What sweet music they make.”

Gary Leonard Oldman - Dracula

“[as Gammy Num-Nums] We don't want to go anywhere with you, Melon Head!”
Dana Carvey - Pistachio Disguisey