“- Inga: Where did you get all these scars?
- Luke: Well, let's see. Skateboard... Truck accident... Fire hydrant.
- Inga: I bet each one has its own exciting story, no?
- Luke: No, not really. I skateboarded off of a truck into a fire hydrant.”
Victoria Silvstedt - Inga
Zach Galifianakis - Luke

“- Ely Jackson: You guys want to get cremated or buried?
- Pete Kepler: I don't care, what ever. Bury me, burn me, why does it matter?
- Ely Jackson: It matters. I don't want to rot in a box... bugs and worms and weird animals eat out my eyeballs.”
Christina Ricci - Ely Jackson
Casey Affleck - Pete Kepler

“Children, I'm afraid I must inform you of an extremely unfortunate event. I'm very, very sorry to tell you this but your parents have perished in a fire that has destroyed your entire home.”
Timothy Spall - Mr. Poe

“- Adrian: There is most definitely a hell and you're all gonna go there when you die. Which is in about 15 minutes.
- Deacon: Holy shit! We really are gonna die!
[then he accidentally walks into flames and catches fire]”
Rhys Ifans - Adrian
Quentin Tarantino - Deacon

“- CIA Officer: We'll... interface with the FBI on this dead body.
- CIA Superior: No, no. God no. We don't need those idiots fucking everything up. Burn the body. Get rid of it.
- CIA Officer: Ok.”
David Rasche - CIA Officer
J. K. Simmons - CIA Superior