“When the nurse leaned over him, he did this to her. [pulls out a photo] The doctors managed to reset her jaw, more or less. Saved one of her eyes … his pulse never got above 85, even when he ate her tongue.”

Anthony Heald - Dr. Frederick Chilton

- Johnny Knoxville: Are you okay?
- Chris Pontius: Yeah, hold on.
- Johnny Knoxville: What do you mean "hold on"? The bull's not gonna hold on!

Johnny Knoxville - himself
Chris Pontius - himself

“- McCoy: It never rains but it pours.
- James T. Kirk: As a doctor, you of all people should be aware of the dangers of reopening old wounds.”

DeForest Kelley - McCoy
William Shatner - James T. Kirk

“- Ernie Capadino: Ow. Doesn't that hurt them?
- Dottie Hinson: Doesn't seem to.
- Ernie Capadino: Well, that would bruise the hell out of me.”

Jon Lovitz - Ernie Capadino
Geena Davis - Dottie Hinson

“It's time to boldly go where no cow has gone before.”
Shelley Duvall - Little Bo Peep