“- Valerie: A ufo landed in my pool and they captured me but we made friends and I fed them pop-tarts and, um, they're here now, but Ted's coming home tonight so you've got to cut their hair.
- Owner of Beauty Shop: What did you say?
- Valerie: Oh, nothing. I'm on drugs.”
Geena Davis - Valerie

“- Saul Silver: How about in the park, when I said you were my friend... you didn't say anything back.
- Dale Denton: Well, that's easy. It's because we're not friends. You are my drug dealer. The only reason I know you is because I like the drugs you sell. If you didn't sell drugs, I would have no idea who you are, and I wouldn't be here right now.”
James Franco - Saul Silver
Seth Rogen - Dale Denton

“Rob, your not going to believe it, I made friends with a whole table of rastafari. Not just one, a whole table... You know what's a weirdword? Fork. Oh my God, someone ate my entire pie! I don't know how that happened!”
Drew Barrymore - Josie Geller

“A friend with weed is a friend indeed, but a friend with gold is the best I'm told.”
Warwick Davis - Leprechaun

“- Rusty Griswold: Ya' got Asteroids?
- Cousin Dale: Naw, but my dad does. Can't even sit on the toilet some days.”
Anthony Michael Hall - Rusty Griswold
John P. Navin Jr. - Cousin Dale