“There's nothing you can get from a book that you can't get from a television faster.”
Danny DeVito - Mr. Wormwood

“- Hilary O'Neil: I told Estelle you have a terminal disease.
- Victor Geddes: What?
- Hilary O'Neil: Assholeitis.”
Julia Roberts - Hilary O'Neil
Campbell Scott - Victor Geddes

“- Gracie Hart: I was dating him for a little while because he told me he had an incurable disease...
- All Girls: Oh.
- Gracie Hart: Yeah, I didn't realize it was stupidity.”
Sandra Bullock - Gracie Hart

“That's a pretty stupid thing to do during Flu season!”

Macaulay Culkin - Miles Russell

- Amber Atkins: Mom? Mom?
- Fireman: Whoa, whoa, whoa... you family?
- Loretta: No, she's just yelling "mom, mom" because she has Tourettes! She's Annette's kid dipshit.

Kirsten Dunst - Amber Atkins
Jeff Tatum - Fireman
Allison Janney - Loretta