“First divorce: wife's hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second divorce: said the wrong name at the altar, kind of my fault. Third divorce: they shouldn't let you get married when you're that drunk and have stuff drawn all over your face, Nevada's fault.”
David Schwimmer - Dr. Ross Geller

“Son, I've played sick, drunk, divorced, and on the run. Bad Blake hasn't missed a goddamn show in his whole fucking life.”

Jeff Bridges - Bad Blake

“Kids aren't any fun! You can't take a kid to a bar. He has one drink, he falls off the stool, and the trip is screwed!”
Burt Reynolds - Nick McKenna

“- Harry: Well, I'm gonna go home, have some sex.
- Jack Traven: Harry, you're gonna go home and puke.
- Harry: Well that'll be fun too.”

Jeff Daniels - Harry
Keanu Reeves - Jack Traven

“- Stu: Why don't we remember a God damn thing from last night?
- Phil: Obviously because we had a great fucking time.”
Ed Helms - Stu
Bradley Cooper - Phil