“- Reed Rothchild: Have you seen that Star Warsmovie?
- Eddie Adams: Yeah, I've seen it four times.
- Reed Rothchild: You know, people tell me I kind of look like Han Solo.”
John C. Reilly - Reed Rothchild
Mark Wahlberg - Eddie Adams

“- Terk: What kind of animal are you?
- Tantor: You know, I've been thinking lately that Tarzan may be some sub-species of elephant.
- Terk: Are you kidding... What are you talking about?
- Tantor: I mean, think about it. He enjoys a peanut, I enjoy a peanut...
- Terk: He looks nothing like you!”

Rosie O'Donnell - Terk
Wayne Knight - Tantor

“- Wayne: 'Know what? She's kinda like Mother Teresa.
- J.D.: Yeah, but with way better tits.”
Steve Zahn - Wayne
Jack Black - J.D.

“- Gary: Are you the pimp?
- Rajah: Yes.
- Gary: You look like Gandhi!
- Rajah: I've got girls to sit on your face.”
Gary Grossman - Gary
Sumant - Rajah

“- Detective Marcus Burnett: [over the radio] Mike! There's a papa rat humping the shit out of this mama rat. No, he's straight pile-driving her!
- Detective Mike Lowrey: Now, how is that information gonna help me do my job?
- Detective Marcus Burnett: They fuck just like us!”
Martin Lawrence - Detective Marcus Burnett
Will Smith - Detective Mike Lowrey