“- Angela Stone: I think it's wonderful that Martha and Bill have a marriage contract that spells out everything. I wish we had a contract.
- Sam Stone: You mean like who takes out the garbage? That kind of everything?
- Bill: Every kind of everything. How often, who starts it, everything.”
Nita Talbot - Angela
Bill Macy - Sam
Sam Chew Jr. - Bill

“Women have choices, and men have responsibilities.”
Steve Martin - Gil

You can't un-fuck what's been fucked. You know, a beautiful Italian girl once said to me, "David, you can't unfuck what's been fucked". Women are always getting in the way of progress, aren't they?
James McAvoy - David Percival

“Oh, Stanley. I don't know how to explain. A wedding. A church wedding. Well it's, it's what every girl dreams of. A bridal dress, the orange blossoms, the music. It's something lovely to remember all the rest of her life. And something for us to remember too.”

Joan Bennett - Ellie Banks

“- Principal Evelyn Doyle: I inherited the business from my late husband.
- Richard Clark: I'm shocked!
- Principal Evelyn Doyle: What? That a woman can run a business?
- Richard Clark: No. That you were ever married.”
Louise Fletcher - Principal Evelyn Doyle
Jon Lovitz - Richard Clark