“- Lonnie Ritter: Kids today are amazing. I played winter ball down in Venezuela, they had kids half his age, every one of them speaking Spanish. That's a hard language.
- Lou Collins: They speak Spanish in Venezuela.
- Lonnie Ritter: I know! That's my point!”
Joseph Latimore - Lonnie Ritter
Timothy Busfield - Lou Collins

“- Lucy Miller: Are you Santa Claus? Because you have a reindeer.
- Scott Calvin: Lots of people have reindeer.
- Lucy Miller: Name five.”
Liliana Mumy - Lucy Miller
Tim Allen - Scott Calvin

“- Lucy Miller: Are you an elf?
- Curtis: Why, no, of course not.
- Lucy Miller: Then why do you have pointy ears?
- Curtis: Because I didn't eat my green vegetables.”
Liliana Mumy - Lucy Miller
Spencer Breslin - Curtis

“I remember how her little hand used to fit inside mine.”
Steve Martin - George Banks

“In my experience, parents often see their children as they want them to be, not as they are.”
Peter Stormare - Dr. Solomon Eddie