“- Tony Perkis: You picked the wrong man to mess with.
- Josh Burnbalm: [sarcastically] Oh, I didn't know I was messing with a man!”
Ben Stiller - Tony Perkis
Shaun Weiss - Josh Burnbalm

“- Larry: What is your problem, huh? Why can't you just get along?
- Jedediah: Look, we're men. We fight, okay? That's what we do!
- Octavius: It's kinda how we pass the time.”
Ben Stiller - Larry Daley
Owen Wilson - Jedediah
Steve Coogan - Octavius

“A man fights for what he believes in.”

Gary Cooper - Robert Jordan

“- Scott Wylde: Can somebody tell me what the hell's going on?
- Mac Jarvis: Ah, she's pissed because I wouldn't jump her bones.
- Terry: He's threatened because I used to break his.”
Loren Avedon - Scott Wylde
Max Thayer - Mac Jarvis
Cynthia Rothrock - Terry

“You think I'd go hoarse for a player with no potential? When I ignore you... then you worry.”
Christine Dunford - Coach Davis