“Come on Harry, the maiden fair waits for her knight in shining corduroy.”

Leslie William Nielsen - Richard Vickers

“- Max Minot: She's more than beautiful. She's got this way she looks at you, just... just stop your heart, you know? And make it start back up again. You know any girls like that?
- Charlie Barret: Yeah. All of them.”
Sean Patrick Flanery - Max Minot
Christopher Walken - Charlie Barret

“That girl is premier division. You, you're third division, maybe second if you wash your hair.”

Julian Littman - Rudi Morelli

“You're the most beautiful girlfriend I've ever had. Actually, you're the only girlfriend I've ever had.”
Toby Radloff - Dickie

- Herb Sullivan: No broad!
- Charlie Gordon: Well, that's too bad, 'cause I got one lined up: rich... "Texas rich". With an ass so beautiful, it's a shame she has to sit down on it.
Jack Lemmon - Herb Sullivan
Walter Matthau - Charlie Gordon