“What do you mean by reading a book? Suppose you learn something. Loyal Moronicans shouldn't read. Take your troops out and have them burn every book in Moronica.”
Moe Howard - Moe Hailstone

“- Julian 'Frankenstien' McGrath: Electricity! Constitution! Philadelphia!
- Delivery Guy: Fish! Pony! Hip, Hip Hop, Hip Hop anonymous? Damn you! You gave him the easy ones.”

Dylan Sprouse - Julian 'Frankenstien' McGrath
Rob Schneider - Delivery Guy

“Living alone has its compensations. Heaven knows it's marvelous being able to spread out in bed like a swastika.”

Lucile Watson - Mrs. Morehead

“- Religious Man: Son, you're at a turning point in your life.
- Sonny Burns: Then let me take the fucking turn myself!”
Jerry Panatieri - Religious Man
Jeremy Davies - Sonny Burns

“You earn your independence. You don't take it at the expense of others.”
Judith Ivey - Blanche