“A vampire is an earthbound spirit... whose body comes to life at night and scours the countryside, satisfying a ravenous appetite for the blood of the living. This it does by drawing it from the throat of its victim.”

J. Edward Bromberg - Professor Lazlo

“- Deacon: I think we drink virgin blood because it sounds cool.
- Vladislav: I think of it like this. If you are going to eat a sandwich, you would just enjoy it more if you knew no one had fucked it.”
Jonny Brugh - Deacon
Jemaine Clement - Vladislav

“I'm going out for a bite to drink.”
George Hamilton - Dracula

“Master, it will be wonderful at the reception when you marry Miss Cindy! How they danced, on the night, that they bled...”

Arte Johnson - Renfield

“- Dracula: You did real well, Renfield.
- Renfield: Thank you, Master.
- Dracula: A combination getaway car and mobile home!”

George Hamilton - Dracula
Arte Johnson - Renfield