- Casey: What am I supposed to do? Write a piece called "We're all fucked"?
- Charlie Geller: Yes! That's a perfect title!
Lyle Brocato - Casey
John Magaro - Charlie Geller

“- Chon Wang: Who would leave a pile of stones in the middle of a field?
- Roy O'Bannon: I don't know; these people are nuts.”
Jackie Chan - Chon Wang
Owen Wilson - Roy O'Bannon

“- Hudson Hawk: What's with all these stones in people's backyard?
- Tommy Five-Tone: That is called ruins...”

Bruce Willis - Hudson Hawk
Danny Aiello - Tommy Five-Tone

“Hey, how many of you people out here are a national monument? Raise your hand, please? Oh, hello, Miss!”

Bill Murray - Dr. Peter Venkman

“- Dr. Peter Venkman: Kinda makes you wonder, doesn't it?
- Winston Zeddemore: Wonder what?
- Dr. Peter Venkman: Whether she's naked under that toga. She is French. You know that.”

Bill Murray - Dr. Peter Venkman
Ernie Hudson - Winston Zeddemore