“I envy every woman I see on the street. I envy them. They're happy. They make their husbands' happy. They lead normal, happy lives.”

Simone Simon - Irena Dubrovna Reed

“I want her to be happy, no matter what that means. I want her to find someone who will treat her with all the love she deserved from me. I want her to meet someone who will see her always as I do now, through Your eyes.”

Jim Carrey - Bruce Nolan

“Why don't you get me a boat? And then maybe two big bags of cash? Then, then I'll be happy. Lots of money and lots of stuff! Other people want idiotic crap like getting married or having babies with the man that they've loved for 5 years, but not me.”

Jennifer Aniston - Grace Connelly

“A happy woman doesn't mutilate herself.”
Phyllida Law - Elspeth

“- Jeff Dunham: So, José, what makes you happiest in life?
- José Jalapeño: My BMW.
- Jeff Dunham: You have a BMW?
- Peanut: Yeah, a Big Mexican Woman.”
Jeff Dunham - Himself
Jeff Dunham - José Jalapeño
Jeff Dunham - Peanut