“Books can be good for something other than burning.”

Sheila McCarthy - Judith

“You guys? There's a whole section on tax law down here that we can burn.”

Arjay Smith - Brian Parks

“- Milton Fishman: Well guys, we gotta start a fire. Better start looking for pinecones.
- Max Grabelski: Pinecones?
- Milton Fishman: It says in the manual, whenever your camp is surrounded by green wood, always use pinecones to start your fire.
- Max Grabelski: If the manual told you to stick your wiener in a light-socket, would you do it?”
Ari Greenberg - Milton Fishman
Daniel Stern - Max Grabelski

“- Fireman: You know, it's against the law to burn anything except trash in your yard.
- Bernadine Harris: [flicks off ashes from her cigarette] It is trash.”
Graham Galloway - Fireman
Bernadine Harris - Bernadine Harris

“- John Gustafson: I'm cold.
- Max Goldman: Here's some matches. Set yourself on fire.”
Jack Lemmon - John Gustafson
Walter Matthau - Max Goldman