“- Gus: What's that thing called where they search for the uh... uh... DNA.
- Toula: A crime scene.
- Gus: No, no, where their families come from.
- Toula: Oh... the... find your ancestry site.”
Michael Constantine - Gus
Nia Vardalos - Toula

“- Martin Bells: Let's grow old together.
- James: Let's get older.
- Martin Bells: Now, there's a challenge.”
Ewan McGregor - Martin Bells
Josh Brolin - James

“My elders challenged me for the throne. So I've spared all my children any future dissapointment!”

Sven-Ole Thorsen - King Borna

“- Cabeza: I cannot and will not accept a challenge from a priest. His cloth protects him.
- Rodrigo Mendoza: My cloth protects you!”
Chuck Low - Cabeza
Robert De Niro - Rodrigo Mendoza

“- McBride: A woman says you and your friends tried to rape her... and her dog.
- Casey Meadows: She was worth 20,000 points.”
Howard Hesseman - McBride
Deborah Foreman - Casey Meadows