“- Capt. Harris: Not exactly a four star hotel, is it?
- Lt. Talinsky: Well, we spend our police budget on fighting criminals, not on pampering out of town visitors.
- Capt. Harris: It was your government that brought us here!
- Lt. Talinsky: They also bring in monkeys for zoo, but we don't put them in four star hotel either!”
G.W. Bailey - Capt. Harris
Gregg Berger - Lt. Talinsky

What's this? "For prompt service, blow me". That's an interesting touch.

John Candy - Chet Ripley

“- Doug Remer: Oh, I'll come, I love hospitals.
- Joe Cooper: No you don't, you like Taco Bell!
- Doug Remer: No, one time I was at this hospital, in France, and I met this great chick.
- Joe Cooper: Dude, that was a hostel.”
Trey Parker - Doug Remer
Matt Stone - Joey Thomas

“- Lamarr: We've got movie stars in my hotel!
- Faye Dolan: They're musicians, actually.
- Lamarr: Even better!”
Obba Babatundé - Lamarr
Liv Tyler - Faye Dolan

- Billy: [noticing a dingy hotel that says "St. James"] This one looks all right.
- Josh: No, it doesn't.
- Billy: St. James, Josh! It's religious.
Jared Rushton - Billy
Tom Hanks - Josh