“He got over his gambling problem, but the bookies beat him to death anyway. So, he's dead. That's it.”
Norm MacDonald - Mitch Weaver

“- Rick: Hey when are you going to stop calling me Barny?
- Turtle: When you're not a Barny anymore, Barny.”
Matt Adler - Rick
John Philbin - Turtle

“- Turtle: Stay loose, Haole.
- Rick: What's a Haole?
- Turtle: A tourist, a mainlander, like you.
- Rick: I'm not a tourist.
- Turtle: Whatever, Barney.
- Rick: What's a Barney?
- Turtle: It's like Barno... Barnyard... a haole to the max, a kook in and out of the water. Yeah?”
John Philbin - Turtle
Matt Adler - Rick

“- The Cat: Here she is, the Super Luxurious Omnidirectional Whatchamajigger, or S-L-O-W for short.
- Sally: S-L-O-W?
- The Cat: Yeah, S.L.O.W. It's better than the last thing we had: Super Hydraulic Instantaneous Transporter.”

Mike Myers - The Cat
Dakota Fanning - Sally

“- Evil Emperor Zurg: A delightful blend of man and machine... with just a naughty touch of lingonberry! I shall call you... Agent Z!
- Agent Z: That's stupid.”
Wayne Knight - Evil Emperor Zurg
Diedrich Bader - Agent Z