“- Miles Logan: Damn. What happened? Did you eat the whole time I was in there? Wait a minute, that's alright. I can adjust, it's the love that counts. I can adjust to a plus size woman, just more cushion for the pushing.
- Shawna: Janiece! Your sad-ass sack of bones is here!
- Miles Logan: I apologize, you're her cousin. Can I buy you some cereal?”

Martin Lawrence - Miles Logan
Octavia Spencer - Shawna

“- Eli Cash: I'm sorry, don't listen to me. I'm on mescaline. I've been spaced out all day.
- Richie Tenenbaum: Did you say you're on mescaline?
- Eli Cash: I did, indeed. Very much so.”

Owen Wilson - Eli Cash
Luke Wilson - Richie Tenenbaum

“- Border Guard: So, how long you've been in Mexico?
- Pedro: A week. I mean a day.
- Border Guard: Well, which is it? A week or a day?
- Pedro: A weekday.”
Roy Stocking - The Hoods: Border Guard
Cheech Marin - Pedro De Pacas

“We're here to reprocess the furnature!”
Cheech Marin - Pedro De Pacas

“You better pray to whatever god you believe in that your character knows what the hell it's doing. I thought I was a man of character. Good character. Then I made a mistake. A bad one that changed everything. That's why I found myself walking into a lousy L.A. bar to buy some Phenolcitrate, synthetic heroin, my personal favorite.”
David Duchovny - Dr. Eugene Sands