- Preacher: [referring to Dewey Cox's song] You think we don't know what you're talking about when you say "take my hand?".
- Dewey Cox: What do you mean? It's about holding hands.
- Pa Cox: You watch your mouth.
- Preacher: You know who's got hands? The devil. And he uses them for holding.
Rance Howard - Preacher
John C. Reilly - Dewey Cox
Raymond J. Barry - Pa Cox

Demonic beasts. Whatever happened to the good old simple love song? "I love you". That's what good words use. Nowadays they have to write some sickness. It's just absoultely sick and bizarre, and I'm going to do my upmost best to try and stop it now.
Ozzy Osbourne - Rev. Aaron Gilstrom

“I had the strangest dream. I dreamt that some psychopath was trying to break the two of you up. Luckily, I woke up and I see that the world is just as it should be. For my best friend has won the best woman. I didn't buy you a gift. But this is on loan until you two find your song.”

Julia Roberts - Julianne Potter

“- Roger: [singing] Ti tum ti ta ti, ta tum ti ta tum.
- Roger: Do you like my new song?
- Anita: Ta tum ti ta tum. Such clever lyrics.
- Roger: Melody first, my dear, and then the lyrics.”
Ben Wright - Roger
Lisa Davis - Anita

“We need a songteenagers can bang their heads to in a car. Bohemian Rhapsody is not that song.”
Mike Myers - Ray Foster