“- Phil Davis: My dear partner, when what's left of you gets around to what's left to be gotten, what's left to be gotten won't be worth getting, whatever it is you've got left.
- Bob Wallace: When I figure out what that means, I’ll come up with a crushing reply.”
Danny Kaye - Phil Davis
Bing Crosby - Bob Wallace

“- Niki: Look, how important do you think sex is?
- Jake VanDorn: Not very.
- Niki: Then we're just alike. I mean, you think it's so unimportant that you don't even do it. I think it's so unimportant that I don't care who I do it with.”
Season Hubley - Niki
George C. Scott - Jake VanDorn

“- Jack Byrnes: I'm a realist. I understand it's the 21st century and you've probably had premarital relations with my daughter. But under our roof, it's my way or the Long Island Expressway. Is that understood?
- Greg Focker: Of course, yeah.
- Jack Byrnes: Good. Keep your snake in its cage for 72 hours.”
Robert De Niro - Jack Byrnes
Ben Stiller - Greg Focker

“If you were worth breaking my nails on, I'd tear your face wide open.”
Helen Mack - Mollie Malloy

“She deserves all this happiness, Bruce. All the things I couldn't give her. Yeah, all she ever wanted was a home.”

Cary Grant - Walter Burns