“- Michele Weinberger: Did you lose weight?
- Romy White: Actually, I have been trying this new fat free diet I invented. All I've had to eat for the past six days are gummy bears, jelly beans, and candy corns.”
Lisa Kudrow - Michele Weinberger
Mira Sorvino - Romy White

“Never underestimate the effect of a poor diet. Too much protein, not enough zinc. Next thing you know, you're cutting up bodies in the bathtub. I mean, look at Hitler. He was a vegetarian. The brother was seriously malnourished.”
Sean Patrick Thomas - Rudy

“I want you to think of what you ate today. Got it? Now cut that in half, this is called a diet, people, everyone start one today! Darcy, you should stop eating. You see, when you skip a meal, your body feeds off its fat stores. And if you skip enough, maybe your body will eat your ass!”
Ian Roberts - Sparky Polastri

“- Frank Szabo: You girls eat like pigs. What happened to the diet?
- Jeanie Szabo: I didn't eat anything yesterday.”
Philip Bruns - Frank Szabo
Sunny Johnson - Jeanie Szabo

“- Jill: We don't want you to lose weight, we just want you to be healthy. Y'know, by eating less.
- Alison Scott: Ok.
- Jill: We would just like it if you go home and step on the scale, and write down how much you weigh, and subtract it by like, 20.
- Alison Scott: 20.
- Jill: And then weigh that much.”
Kristen Wiig - Jill
Katherine Heigl - Alison Scott