“Sir, let’s talk about your mama, who's so dumb, she got hit by a parked car.”
Whoopi Goldberg - Sister Mary Clarence

“My brother's in a wheel chair because of a freak accident as a kid. One day we were playing touch football and he fell off the roof.”
Shawn Hatosy - Tim Dunphy

“- Peter Highman: How have you made it this far? How have you not run yourself over in a car?
- Ethan Tremblay: I've done that.”
Robert Downey Jr. - Peter Highman
Zach Galifianakis - Ethan Tremblay

“- Evelyn: Stephen, if you really love me, you'll find a way to drop dead in the next second.
- Stephen Price: Oh, but baby, finding ways for me to die is really your thing. Let's not forget the O.J. knife with the not-so-retractable blade, the Jim Jones Kool-Aid, which was exactly that...
- Evelyn: Accidents, all accidents until proven otherwise.”
Famke Janssen - Evelyn
Geoffrey Rush - Stephen Price

“Wait, wait, wait, I just thought of something so cool. What if we got into a wreck and we crashed into a car in front of us and we all died. They could write a song about it!”
Lisa Marie Newmyer - Heather