“- Clark: I've never been on a baseball field, if I did, the kids in my neighborhood would spit loogies on my forehead.
- Gus: Thats horrible, baseball's America's past time... that's like saying you've never had apple pie.”
Jon Heder - Clark
Rob Schneider - Gus

“- Oz Oseransky: Damn it, Jimmy. What the hell did you have to go and move in next door to me?
- Jimmy Tudeski: Oz, do you know what kind of soil they have in this back yard? I've been here two days and I've got little tomato plants...
- Oz Oseransky: Oh my God.”
Matthew Perry - Oz Oseransky
Bruce Willis - Jimmy Tudeski

“- Jimmy Livingston: I'm Jimmy.
- Chloe: I'm Chloe.
- Jimmy Livingston: Chloe! The whore next door!
- Chloe: What? Where did you hear that?
- Jimmy Livingston: My Mom, she teaches me everything.
- Chloe: Well, really, she got it wrong. I'm actually more of a bitch than a whore.
- Jimmy Livingston: A bitch. Oh yeah, a bitch. Absolutely a bitch.”
Jake Gyllenhaal - Jimmy Livingston
Marley Shelton - Chloe

“- Marcus Burnett: We're your new neighbors.
- Mike Lowrey: Don't be alarmed, we're negros.”
Martin Lawrence - Marcus Burnett
Will Smith - Mike Lowrey

“Ray, there's no doubt anymore. This is real. Your neighbors are murdering people. They're chopping them up. They're burying them in their backyard. Ray... this is Walter.”

Rick Ducommun - Art Weingartner