“- Bruce Nolan: God doesn't take vacations. Does He?
- God: Did you ever hear of the dark ages?”

Jim Carrey - Bruce Nolan
Morgan Freeman - God

“How 'bout a cigarette? Nothing like a good smoke when you miss your mom... Never too young to start!”
Dennis Hopper - Deacon

“- Norda: How old are you?
- Snails: Twenty-three. Yeah, I know I'm a little young for you, but what if I get my hands on an aging potion, huh? I'll sacrifice a couple of years for you.
- Norda: I'm two hundred and thirty-four.”
Kristen Wilson - Norda
Marlon Wayans - Snails

“- Bob Gerson: How old are ya, Frank?
- Frank Corvin: Old enough to know your ass is in a sling.”
James Cromwell - Bob Gerson
Clint Eastwood - Frank Corvin

“- Stella Payne: So how old are you anyway, young man?
- Winston Shakespeare: Well, I'll be 21 on my next birthday so I guess that makes me 20. And how old are you, young lady?
- Stella Payne: 40.
- Winston Shakespeare: No, truthfully.”
Angela Bassett - Stella Payne
Taye Diggs - Winston Shakespeare