“- Jane Spencer: Aren't you afraid it might go off accidentally?
- Frank Drebin: I used to have that problem.
- Jane Spencer: What did you do about it?
- Frank Drebin: I just think about baseball.”

Priscilla Presley - Jane Spencer
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Vanessa Kensington: Did you use protection?
- Austin Powers: Of course. I had my 9mm automatic.
- Vanessa Kensington: You know I meant 'did you use a condom'?”
Liz Hurley - Vanessa Kensington
Mike Myers - Austin Powers

“- Karen McCoy: You didn't load the gun?
- J.T. Barker: You told me to buy it, not to load it.”

Kim Basinger - Karen McCoy
Val Kilmer - J.T. Barker

“- Kay Bentley: She's an old schoolmate of mine from grammar school.
- Michael Shayne: I haven't seen any old girls.
- Kay Bentley: She's not old - about my age.
- Michael Shayne: And still going to grammar school? She's a little mentally round-shouldered!”
Lynn Bari - Kay Bentley
Lloyd Nolan - Michael Shayne

“- Gail Richards: Good night.
- Lillian - the Housekeeper: I hope you rest in peace.
- Gail Richards: Thank you. [turns to Ann] Isn't that what they write on tombstones?”
Joan Blondell - Gail Richards
Rafaela Ottiano - Lillian - the Housekeeper