“- Gerry Boyle: I don't want to see it. Babies all look the same. The only time a baby doesn't look like every other baby is when it's a really ugly baby. So unless you're about to show me a photo of a really ugly baby then I don't want to see it.
- FBI agent Wendell Everett: That's pretty fucking rude.
- Gerry Boyle: Maybe it is maybe it isn't.”
Brendan Gleeson - Gerry Boyle
Don Cheadle - FBI Agent Wendell Everett

“- Master Gracey: You have very beautiful children, Ms. Evers.
- Jim Evers: I kicked in some chromosomes too.”
Nathaniel Parker - Master Gracey
Eddie Murphy - Jim Evers

“No one could understand how Mrs. Lisbon and Mr. Lisbon, our mathteacher, could produce such beautiful creatures.”
Giovanni Ribisi - Narrator

“- Tulip: Look at the baby!
- Junior: No! Just a brief exposure to baby cuteness can ruin your life!
- [both look at the baby]
- Tulip, Junior: Awwww!”
Katie Crown - Tulip
Andy Samberg - Junior

“Your mind knows only some things. Your inner voice, your instinct, knows everything. If you listen to what you know instinctively, it will always lead you down the right path.”
Henry Winkler - Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli