“Listen. I don't care what you say. Chlamydia is a soup. It's my opinion. I can have that if I'd like. You don't have to argue. I've seen it on the grocery store shelf. Don't argue with me about it. I don't care if you are a doctor.”
Tim meadows - Leon Phelps

“- Charlie: I have to take a pill every six hours or I feel... funny. No big deal.
- Irene: What's it called?
- Charlie: Advanced delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary narcissistic rage.”
Jim Carrey - Charlie
Renee Zellweger - Irene

“I'm having a herpes outbreak, right now - but you'd never know it. Thanks, Herpocol!”
Steve Coogan - Dana Marschz

“- Val: how's your health?
- Hirsch: Well, they took something out of me a couple of months ago.
- Val: What'd they take out?
- Hirsch: I don't know. I didn't ask, it's none of my business. But I'm a little more streamlined now, a little more aerodynamic.”
Al Pacino - Val
Alan Arkin - Hirsch

“- Pepi Katona: I would say it's a nervousbreakdown. What do you think?
- Doctor: It appears to be an acute epileptoid manifestation and a pan phobic melancholiac with indication of a neurasthenia cordus.
- Pepi Katona: Is that more expensive than a nervousbreakdown?”

William Tracy - Pepi Katona
Edwin Maxwell - Doctor