“- Sgt. Aguado: Homicide, Ventura. Now how you gonna solve that one?
- Ace Ventura: Good question, Aguado. First, I'd establish a motive. In this case the killer saw the size of the bug's dick and became insanely jealous. Then I'd lose 30 pounds... porking his wife!
- Sgt. Aguado: Why, you..
- Ace: Come on! Now, kiss and make up.”

John Capodice - Sgt. Aguado
Jim Carrey - Ace Ventura

“- Capt. Wilkins: Ready to fire the town on your order, sir.
- Col. William Tavington: [laughs] The town? Burn the church.”

Adam Baldwin - Capt. Wilkins
Jason Isaacs - Col. William Tavington

“- Marty O'Reilly: I put the special candle out there that repels all the bugs, every species but one.
- Wally Jatczak: Marty, what species is that?
- Marty O'Reilly: The saber toothed fly.”
Carroll O'Connor - Marty O'Reilly
William Bronder - Wally Jatczak

“- Nina Lonescu: I do not like bugs.
- Phil Blackwood: Well, neither do I, but I usually scream at them and... hit them with a rolled up copy of sports illustrated.”
Paulina Porizkova - Nina Lonescu
Tom Selleck - Phil Blackwood

“What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits a windshield? It's ass!”
Adam Baldwin - Tate