“- Marty O'Reilly: This guy you're talking about, he can't sing at all.
- Angelo Pardipillo: He can't sing? Then why has he got such a big band?
- Wally Jatczak: To drown him out!”
Carroll O'Connor - Marty O'Reilly
Robert Loggia - Angelo Pardipillo
William Bronder - Wally Jatczak

“- Capt. Sam Cahill: Is it my ears, or has your singing actually gotten worse?
- Goddard: Must be your ears, it was already as bad as it could be!”

Danny Glover - Capt. Sam Cahill
Tchéky Karyo - Goddard

“I've heard better singing from a mongoose with throat cancer.”

Brian Sergent - Trevor the Rat

“- Cindy: Girls have to do everything. Boys are totally clueless when it comes to sex. It starts with them trying to unhook our bras, fumbling around, and it never changes. Wait until they try to put their dick into you.
- Diana: Please don't say they need help with that.
- Cindy: Always.”
Kristen Miller - Cindy
Jessica Driscoll - Diana, Principal's Secretary

“- Larry Johnson: Y'know, maybe there is nothin' wrong with us, maybe it's just in our heads.
- Muggsy Bogues: Yeah, we're all right. It's just some psychosomatic deal, or something to do with the alignment of the Moon or another planet.”

Larry Johnson - Himself
Tyrone Bogues - Muggsy Bogues