“- Aunt Sofia: You still want to kill people?
- Mitch: Na, they're too stupid.
- Aunt Sofia: You're telling me - your grandfather's marrying the Bermuda Triangle!”
Gina DeAngeles - Aunt Sofia
Keith Coogan - Mitch

“- Dr. Watson: Moriarty knows... I'm am the only match for his evil genius.
- Sherlock Holmes: You mean he's not trying to kill me?
- Dr. Watson: Of course not. He knows you're an idiot.
- Sherlock Holmes: Oh, thank God.”
Ben Kingsley - Dr. Watson
Sir Michael Caine - Sherlock Holmes

“- Lt. Bender: Give the bag to Bozo, drop the gun and put your hands in the air!
- Earl Mott: Who said that?
- Lt. Walters: This could very well be the stupidest person on the face of the earth. Perhaps we should shoot him.
- Lt. Bender: It's the police department!”
Art Evans - Lt. Bender
Bill Pullman - Earl
Clarence Felder - Lt. Walters

“- Earl: You ever play Russian roulette? Thing is, most people put the gun to the temple. Well, that's just stupid. You blow a man's head off 'fore he's had a chance to tell you what you wanna know.
- Bobby: Mess up your suit, too.”
Bill Paxton - Earl
Denzel Washington - Bobby

“You know guns don't kill people, stupid motherfuckers with guns kill people!”
Chris Tucker - Franklin Hatchett