“- Glenda Gardenia Parks: If you're innocent, they'll never send you to jail.
- Nick Gardenia: Is that how it works, Chester?
- Chester: Not in my neighborhood.”
Goldie Hawn - Glenda Parks
Chevy Chase - Nicholas Gardenia
T.K. Carter - Chester

“I got laid off when they closed that asbestos factory, and wouldn't you know it, the army cuts my disability pension because they said that the plate in my head wasn't big enough.”
Randy Quaid - Cousin Eddie

“- Sonny: How can John Wayne die?
- Lefty: Fuckin' Indians got him.”
Michael Madsen - Sonny
Al Pacino - Lefty

“My son is dying and I'm broke. If I don't qualify for Medicare, who the hell does?”
Denzel Washington - John Quincy Archibald

“- Cop: Why were you so convinced we wouldn't believe you?
- Vanessa Lutz: 'Cause I've been in the system, and once you've been in it once, ain't no one never gonna believe you again.”
Craig Barnett - Cop