- Nathaniel Williamson: I was very quick to judge you.
- Captain Bully Hayes: Aw, what do they say, son? Don't judge unle... no, let's see, judge not, judge not, judge ye not...
- Nathaniel Williamson: "Judge not lest ye be judged". Matthew 7, verse 1.
Michael O'Keefe - Nathaniel Williamson
Tommy Lee Jones - Captain Bully Hayes

“- Jack: When I was about thirteen, I had this sort of identity crisis. I used to think I was one of the characters.
- Angela: You thought you were Audrey Hepburn?
- Jack: No. I used to think I was the cat.”

Jeremy Northam - Jack
Sandra Bullock - Angela

- Janey Briggs: I knew it. That's a line from "She's All That". I masturbate to that movie.
- Jake Wyler: [to nosy Flight Attendant right behind them] Do you mind?
- Flight Attendant: Not at all, I think masturbation is very healthy.
Chyler Leigh - Janey Briggs
Chris Evans - Jake Wyler
Molly Ringwald - Flight Attendant

"Silence of the lambs"!
[imitates Hannibal Lecter]
Hello, Clarice. It's good to see you again.

Jim Carrey - The Cable Guy

- Heather: It's just like Hamlet said, "to thine own self be true".
- Cher: Hamlet didn't say that.
- Heather: I think I remember Hamlet accurately.
- Cher: Well, I remember Mel Gibson accurately, and he didn't say that. That Polonius guy did.
Susan Mohun - Heather
Alicia Silverstone - Cher