Remeber that friend in High School, who wanted to make bongs out of everything? Making bongs out of apples and oranges and shit. One day you find your friend goin' "Hey look, man, I made a bong out of my head! Put the pot in this ear and suck it out of this one, go on take a hit".
Denis Colin Leary - Himself

“Danbury wasn't a prison, it was a crime school. I went in with a Bachelor of marijuana, came out with a Doctorate of cocaine.”
Johnny Depp - George Jung

“Get this disgrace to his race out of here!”

Morgan Freeman - Principal Joe Clark

“- Albert Rosenfeld: Tell me some other things about her.
- Special Agent Dale Cooper: She's in high school. She is sexually active. She is using drugs. She's crying out for help.
- Albert Rosenfeld: Well damn, Cooper, that really narrows it down. You're talking about half the high school girls in America!”

Miguel Ferrer - Albert Rosenfeld
Kyle MacLachlan - Special Agent Dale Cooper

“- Tom Baker: What do you do for a living Eliot?
- Eliot Murtaugh : Well... I'm in 8th grade.”
Steve Martin - Tom Baker
Taylor Lautner - Eliot Murtaugh