“- Egbert Sousé: Hello, Doc. How are ya? How's business?
- Dr. Stall: Fair, fair. I don't suppose we'll ever get another whooping cough epidemic again.”
W.C. Fields - Egbert Sousé
Harlan Briggs - Dr. Stall

“- Doctor: Your testicles have grown to the size of Florida oranges.
- Maxxx Orbison: Don't you think I notice that? Tell me something I don't know, you cocky prick!
- Doctor: I am going to have to amputate your pee pee.”
Lloyd Kaufman - Doctor
Michael Dean Jacobs - Maxxx Orbison

If I ever hear you describe a patient as "terminal" again, that's how you'll describe your career!
William Hurt - Dr. Jack MacKee

“- David Aames: You're a shrink! You gotta be better than that!
- McCabe: Let's not stereotype each other. Not all rich kids are soulless, and not all psychologists care about disease.”
Tom Cruise - David Aames
Kurt Russell - McCabe

“- Joe: I still have a problem. I have a brain cloud.
- Patricia: A brain cloud... what is a brain cloud?
- Joe: It's - well, maybe I should get a second opinion.
- Patricia: You didn't get a second opinion on something called a brain cloud? I mean what are you, a hypochondriac?”
Tom Hanks - Joe
Meg Ryan - Patricia