“- Rick Leland: You certainly are a girl of many colors. First, your legs get blue. Then, your face turns green. And, now, your red all over.
- Alberta Marlow: I never knew what suffering was until I came on this pleasure trip.”
Humphrey Bogart - Rick Leland
Mary Astor - Alberta Marlow

“- Zack: Were all pink on the inside...
- Vince: Like vaginas.”
Dane Cook - Zack
Dax Shepard - Vince

“Maybe we could paint the house with vanishing cream. Then it would be invisible.”
Steve Viksten - Oskar Kokoshka

“The head of the sexually aroused adult gobbler can change into a variety of shades of red, white and blue. It's a very patriotic bird.”
Chandler McIntyre - Naturalist

“- Chloe: Isn't it fun to paint?
- Ricky: I love it! Really calms me down. Frogs aren't purple by the way. Have you ever seen a purple frog?
- Chloe: Yes.
- Ricky: Okay, when? When you were asleep?”
Makenzie Vega - Chloe
Vince Vaughn - Ricky