“- Jen: In the five years I've known you, every woman, I should say girl, you've gone after has been completely out of your league.
- Hal: What's that supposed to mean?
- Artie: Oh, she doesn't mean anything by it. She's just saying you're not that good looking.
- Hal: Oh! I thought she was implying something really mean.”
Laura Kightlinger - Jen
Jack Black - Hal
Kyle Gass - Artie

“Jarra, you are under arrest for being that ugly, and for making that many copies!”
Will Smith - Jay

“But the worst thing is: that Me, Fatty, Sideburns Lady, and the mutants over at Table 9, will never ever find a way to better the situation, because apparently we have nothing to offer to the opposite sex.”

Adam Sandler - Robbie Hart

“- Ford Fairlane: Disco Express? They blew, dog. And that lead singer, he kinda looked like...
- Lt. Amos: Like me, right?
- Ford Fairlane: Yeah. I was gonna say he looked like shit, but... he looked like you.”
Andrew Dice Clay - Ford Fairlane
Ed O'Neill - Lt. Amos

“Hello, snotface. Yuck, what happened to you? You're all older, you're even uglier! Look, I'm sorry but I'm going to have to be sick all over you, immediately. Lie down.”

Rik Mayall - Drop Dead Fred