“Life and money both behave like loose quicksilver in a nest of cracks. When they're gone, you can't tell where, or what the devil you did with them.”

Ray Collins - Jack Amberson

“- Uncle Jesse Duke: You know why tornadoes and blonds are so much alike?
- Luke Duke: No.
- Uncle Jesse Duke: At first, there's a lot of sucking and blowing, and then you lose your house.”
Willie Nelson - Uncle Jesse Duke
Johnny Knoxville - Luke Duke

“- Mrs. Claypool: It's rather difficult to believe that when I find you dining with another woman.
- Otis B. Driftwood: That woman? Do you know why I sat with her? Because she reminded me of you.”

Margaret Dumont - Mrs. Claypool
Groucho Marx - Otis B. Driftwood

“- Shirlee: Its like you're allergic to cornflakes so you start to buy different stuff like a can of peas but when you open up the can of the peas, inside cornflakes, so you pick a TV dinner and open it up and cornflakes.
- Jack: So what does that mean?
- Shirlee: The girls you go out with... outside all different packages but inside... cornflakes.”
Dolly Parton - Shirlee
James Woods - Jack

“- Terk: What kind of animal are you?
- Tantor: You know, I've been thinking lately that Tarzan may be some sub-species of elephant.
- Terk: Are you kidding... What are you talking about?
- Tantor: I mean, think about it. He enjoys a peanut, I enjoy a peanut...
- Terk: He looks nothing like you!”

Rosie O'Donnell - Terk
Wayne Knight - Tantor