“- Tamara: Don't tell me you'd rather go to football.
- Rod: Well, I am male.”
Sophie Linfield - Tamara
Neil Maskell - Rod

“Daddy, we're in Pakistan. Let's sew some soccer balls.”
Tom Greening - Gord Brody

“- Paul's Dad: We don't have to go to Arsenal every time I'm in London, do we? I thought we'd be beyond that stage now.
- Young Paul: We'll never be beyond that stage.”
Neil Pearson - Paul's Dad
Luke Aikman - Young Paul

“- Paul Ashworth: Leave it up to Arsenal to score one goal when they need two.
- Steve: You want them to score the second goal before they score the first?”
Colin Firth - Paul Ashworth
Mark Strong - Steve

“- Chester Lee: He's playing like a psycho, he's nuts!
- Julie Benson: Looks like Norman Bates is playing soccer.
- Chester Lee: Hey, after the game no showers.”
Rodney Dangerfield - Chester Lee
Jackée Harry - Julie Benson